Monday, July 9, 2007

The Nine Best Songs You Likely Haven't Heard ...

...but maybe you have. I'm kind of an arrogant prick who assumes the public-at-large aren't listening to anything that isn't Fergalicious.
When it comes to art, the concept of the NINE-BEST-ANYTHING!!! is silly. If your nine favourite songs are all contained on Snowbird: Anne Murray's Greatest Hits or The Best of Grand Funk Railroad, well, good for you! (I will admit, with the right combination of qualludes and beer, Grand Funk kinda rock.)
Music is meant to be enjoyed, not dissected. This realization lead me to pack in my rock-critic career. Well, that, and the fact that I was no longer allowed to interview Sony artists after the ... unpleasantness. Oh, and it didn't pay very well. When it did pay, the cheques usually bounced.
Okay, you got me...I'd still be doing it if I weren't an ill-behaved wino who needs some money.
That said, and with all due contempt for my reading public (who must number four or five, by now) I present the Nine Best Songs You May Not Have Heard, Assuming You Live In Canada and Really Like That James Blunt Song They Just Can't Play Enough On The Radio:

Colin Hay - I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You
The guy who used to be the face of Men At Work. We aging hipsters only hate Men At Work because they were popular and originated in the 1980's. The songs were actually pretty good. This song is very good. I hate emotion -- I think it's a sign of weakness -- but it kinda makes me wanna cry.
You may have heard this song in that mostly-unwatchable movie the guy from Scrubs wrote, starred in, catered and directed. The one that proclaimed 'I'm more than just a sitcom actor with impeccable comic timing - I'm an ARTIST!'.
It was either called The Peter Principle or Garden State.

The Coup - Laugh/Love/Fuck
"I'm here to laugh, love, fuck and drink liquor/and help the revolution come quicker"
The best political hip-hop conglomerate since Public Enemy.

Mojo Nixon & Skid Roper - This Land Is Your Land
It starts out as a straight-forward Woody Guthrie homage and veers into Mojo World, where there are go-kart tracks going through the loop-de-loops in the waterslides and liquor stores open 24 hours a day. How do you get to Mojo World? "Turn right at the light, go past the trailer parks and stand naked, singing in the blazing sunlight of liberty".

Dan Bern - Jerusalem
Imagine Bob Dylan has a sense of humour he let the rest of us in on.

Menthol - Dry Heaves (of the Well Adorned)
Signed to Capitol Records during the mid-90s' frenzy of snapping up bands that didn't sound like Winger, Menthol deserved commercial success more than ... well ... every other band from that period other than Nirvana. It didn't happen. Better luck next time, boys.

The Frames - Pavement Tune
As advertised, a fine driving song. I don't drive, mind you, so take that with a grain of salt. Definitely the best song for driving little remote controlled cars around your living room ... ever.

NOFX - Drugs Are Good
... and if you do them people think that you're cool.

The Drive By Truckers - Shut Up and Get On The Plane
"We've been this close to death before, we were just too drunk to know it. I guess the price of being sober is being scared out of your mind." My Favourite Band, I think.

The Rolling Stones - Satisfaction
Just kidding. Whatever happened to those guys, anyway?

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