It Was A Good Day ...

10:15 am : Wake relatively unhungover.

10:22 am : Sit down with a coffee and smoke in front of SportsCentre.

11:24 am : Go outside to brush off the car. Discover the car does not need brushing.

11:45 am : Arrive at job I don't hate.

3:30 pm : Skip out early from job I don't hate.

4:20 pm : Finish my thrift shop excursion - from which I've obtained two Hugo Boss shirts, a pair of jeans, a silk tie and a Neil Gaiman novel for the princely sum of $12.46

5:45 pm : Eat pizza.

6:30 pm : Nap.

9:00 pm : Wake up.

9:10 pm : Pour myself a Greyhound. Repeat every twenty minutes.

I know age and experience have dulled my expectations but overall; not a bad day.
The only way it could be made better is if I had tickets for "LOST! - THE MUSICAL" starring Tom Waits as John Locke, Neko Case as Kate and Willie Nelson as The Smoke Monster.

On A Positive Note ...

Danny Michel played the same venue, later that week. I loved that show more than I -- see below -- hated the previous gig.
It was one of those times I wondered why I was being paid.
Terri, if you read this, I still expect to be paid.

Click the title to go to his website.

On his Wikipedia page, Danny Michel is described as "Tom Waits meets Cheap Trick."
I didn't find the analogy completely true ... but it sounds awesome, doesn't it?
I'm willing to cut the critic some slack. "Writing about music," as Frank Zappa said, "is like dancing about architecture."
That said ... all four of the faithful readers who take my advice about music ... and everyone else who ends up here looking for Simpsons quotes or ridiculous aircraft plans (I'm looking at you, Roger) ... should buy his music and attend his shows.
He is so good I almost feel bad for mentioning him in such an unsavoury blog.

After Careful Reconsideration, I No Longer Wish To Rock.

I have never related to the authority figure in that Twisted Sister video before Friday night.
(Click the title for those of you who forget what I'm talking about.)

I found myself running the house for five hours of hardcore metal in a hundred seat theatre. The first hour made me giggle. The second hour reduced my giggle to a smirk. After that ... only anger ... Black Hate and Anger - which I think may have been one of the band names.

Perhaps it was my inability to communicate with the 'kids' that caused the problem.
When I said, "Give me the goddamned beer NOW," I really meant "Sorry, but you are in violation of our local liquor laws. Please relinquish that warm can of Old Milwaukee."
When I asked, "Kid, are you some sort of fucking idiot?" I was saying "Son, it isn't the size of the firecracker I take umbrage with. It is the fact that you lit said firecracker indoors and five feet away from me."
When I snarled, "I am going to smack you, you twiggy, pasty-faced little prat," I meant ... well ... I meant exactly that. Except no one could hear me as the music topped out at 116 dbs.

I think the more likely problem is that the music sounded like someone repeatedly kicking the Cookie Monster in the nuts over a wall of dissonance. All is set to the choreography of eight guys in the front row who looked like heavy metal chickens.

I was young once. My first concert was Metallica at Maple Leaf Gardens. Admittedly, I find them unlistenable these days but I can recognize the artistic merit.
But Friday night was ... words fail me ... aggressively unmusical?

I feel like an old, old man. I'm pretty sure I hopped up on the bar at one point, shook my fist and yelled, "You whippersnappers -- get off my damn lawn".
In my defense, they were playing keep away with my bifocals.

DID YOU KNOW ...

... Comedian Rip Taylor served his country honourably as a sniper in the 24th Infantry Division during the Korean War?

DID YOU KNOW ...

.. The Speedo bathing suit was designed by French designer Jacques Speedo, who envisioned it, combined with suspenders and a bow tie, as every day attire?

DID YOU KNOW ...

... The popular 70s' sit-com The Jeffersons was based on a true story?
The real George and Weezie Jefferson are Scandinavian. The characters were changed to African-Americans by the producers to capitalize on the success of Fat Albert and The Cosby Kids.

DID YOU KNOW ...

... Flin Flon is the dirty movie capital of Canada? Nearly two-thirds of the commercial pornography produced in the Great White North emanates from this Manitoba mining town.

DID YOU KNOW ...

... Groundhogs are the only mammal other than humans to employ the missionary position while making love?

DID YOU KNOW ...

... that 27.4 per cent of ballet students in central Ontario are named Caitlan?
A full 73 per cent of them dot their "i"s with little hearts.
Only 0.081 per cent of ballet students are named Butch.

I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, GET FREAKY!!!

Yeah ... you heard that right.
Fisting.
Barrack Obama is shaping up to be the best American President ever!
Watch him shut down the CIA's secret prison network.
Watch him reclaim international goodwill.
Watch him manually pleasure his wife ... TO THE EXTREME!
Maybe it's Michelle who is the top ... I dunno and it ain't my business. But it really does feel like a new day has dawned in America, doesn't it?

Seriously, I know of one 'expert' whose face is going to be red when she looks up fisting on the Urban Dictionary.