Friday, November 6, 2009

Ten Haiku Pick Up Lines

I know better than anyone I haven't written anything not related to work in 3 1/2 months.
As much as it bothers my loyal fan - just one at this point - You can't get blood from a stone.
It doesn't matter how damned funny or charming or virile the stone.
You can't get Oscar Wildesque wit from it, Mr. Frank Sharpton of Columbus, Ohio
This lame attempt to start writing again is despite your threats, Frank. Not because of them. I don't believe you own that video and I doubt Vivid Entertainment wold buy it if you did. Lindsay Lohan tapes are a dime-a-dozen these days.

All the same, let everyone without empty blackmail threats enjoy my attempt at breaking my writer's block with my ten favourite haiku pick up lines.

You kinda look like
a pornographic film star
whose name I forget.

Come back to my place.
I've got a sweet stereo
and a waterbed.

You must be a thief
as you have stolen my heart.
Wanna see my wang?

I hope at last call
your fear of dying alone
gets me a hand job.

My wife and I have
an open relationship
but please don't tell her.

Happy to see you?
Is that a roll of quarters?
Duh ... it's a penis.

I dote on my cat
and I collect sock monkeys.
I swear I'm not gay.

I seem nice at first
but then I will ignore you.
You will gain twelve pounds.

Here in Orillia
I work, have several teeth
That makes me a catch!

At my job I am
a deputy fire warden.
Does that turn you on?

Write me a better haiku pick up line if you think you're so big. I dare ya. You think you're so great. You're not.

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