Saturday, February 7, 2009

Elmo Video Watched, Not Enjoyed, By Drunken Babysitter

Apparently, Screw My Ex-Girlfriend ... Please has been my most influential post since I urged America to vote for change.
I am currently babysitting a five-year-old boy, a two-year-old girl and a twelve-year-old bottle of Scotch.
Later, I will take all three out to the car, roll up the windows and light a cigarette. We won't be going anywhere, I just enjoy all manner of criminal activity.
While I entertain her children with a rousing chorus of Cocaine Blues by Johnny Cash, Skipper is out on a date, all thanks to my blog entry.
So ... who is grossly invading your privacy and robbing you of your dignity now?
Seriously, who is it?
Whoever it is owes me a bottle of bourbon.

11 comments:

Aging Hipster said...

Good news. As of 10:45 pm, the twelve-year-old appears to be the only one in danger.
Also, Skipper, I have to admit I am jealous ...


OF YOUR MacBook!!!

Skipper said...

Skipper is home now and just a wee bit drunk.

Aging Hipster said...

I'd like it noted that all children are currently alive upon Skipper's return.
R.I.P. Bottle of Scotch

Barb said...

I love Drunk Skipper!!

Skipper said...

I have to say that Skipper's date was fun. Her date was a gentleman. The flowers are beautiful and the conversation was great. Just don't get too high on yourself there Aging Hipster!

Anonymous said...

if you are serious about drinking and smoking around children you are sick and should be locked up with all the other animals!!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow, there are some real Brainiacs reading your blog, Aging Hipster. You should feel proud.

Aging Hipster said...

In retrospect, I'm glad I didn't mention the duelling pistols and Japanese porn.

Mark said...

If you aren't serious about drinking and smoking around children then really you're just wasting everyone's time.

Barb said...

Hipster I TOLD you that you should have mentioned that you shared the scotch and smokes with the kids. Now people think you're selfish!!

Skipper said...

My kids love it when the Aging Hipster comes over. No one in their daycare will drink with them!