Thursday, November 29, 2007

More Simpsons Quotes I Actually Use in Everyday Life

The previous post on this subject seemed pretty popular ... and I do like to pander to the lowest common denominator.
Plus, I get to rip off funny stuff from another source without doing my own work.
So...what the hell?
I expect at least fifty comments with your own favourite Simpsons quotes or I'll rethink this entire pandering...nay, blogging... idea.

"I used to rock and roll all night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky."
-- Homer J. Simpson
Homer says this when he realizes that he is hopelessly out of touch with '90s music. His beloved Grand Funk Railroad (later shortened to Grand Funk ... probably by record company weasels in suits) is no longer a relevant musical force. Despite the wild, shirtless rythyms of Mark Farner and the compentent drumming of Don Brewer.
I like to use this this quote whenever (if-ever) I do something stereotypically ... well... adult. Like buying RRSPs from my banker. Or convenience store clerk. Where do they sell those damn things anyway?

"You can't seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism."
-- Mayor Quimby
This is how Quimby responded when the town charter revealed Springfield was still a 'dry' town. I don't think I can add anything to this quote. I can't make it any more funnier or any more true.

"Hey, you know, I once knew a man from Nantucket...let's just say the stories about him are greatly exaggerated"
-- Homer J. Simpson
Homer sees Nantucket on a map...ehh...this is rarely used -- but if a certain island in Massachusetts ever comes up in conversation -- you're golden.

"Oh boy! Sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!"
-- Ralph Wiggum
Oh Ralphie, where do I begin to start. Your non-sequiters, grammatical errors and foolish statements speak to the retarded child in all of us (see also: my cat smells like cat food, I bent my wookie and Me fail english? That's unpossible!).

"Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now, where were we, oh yeah, the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."
-- Abe (Grampa) Simpson
Hired by Mr. Burns to quell union unrest, Abe can't break heads like he could as a strike-breaker in the '30s. He can bore people with pointless stories, I just use this to mock old and/or boring people.

Like I said...I want at least fifty replies. Post your favourite Simpson quotes. I know that I have between eight and twelve loyal readers. Surely to God...Surely to appease my own ego...For the love of the teddy bear Mohammed...Just post your favourites.


Anonymous said...

God speed, little doodle

Anonymous said...

Mine also has to do with the doodle....
Hey Homie I can see yer doodle.

Anonymous said...

I hope I didn't brain my damage.

chicka bum fluff said...

Yes I'M gonna marry a carrot!

The Moe Syzlak Experience said...

They call them fingers but I've never seen them fing.

Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo said...

"You know the type. Loud as a motor-bike, but wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight."
Wait...shit...that's Jay-Z.

Anonymous said...

it's long, but:
Marge: Do you want your son to become Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper?
Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren?
Marge: Earl Warren wasn't a stripper!
Homer: Now who's being naïve?!

Barb said...

"Let us celebrate this new arrangement with the adding of chocolate to milk"
Homer said this to Bart and Lisa, I believe, in the swimming pool episode. Many years ago, Mark also said this to me the day we decided to make our relationship exclusive. And to think I let some other woman snap him up...

roger ramjet said...

The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there.

p.s. Barb...leave Mark alone. This blog-site is designed for Brian to be a smart-ass -- Nothing else.

Barb said...

Grandpa: Ok...I'm an elk, a communist, the president of the gay and lesbian committee for some reason... here it is...The Stone Cutters.
PS Screw you Roger Ramjet... I'll write whatever I want in here.

Anonymous said...

roger ramjet he's our man, hero of our nation
we're only here to be amused by Brian's ruminations :D

Anonymous said...

C.M. Burns: What do you think, Smithers?
Smither: I think women and seamen don't mix.

Anonymous said...

So, like us, let your children run wild and free. Because, as the old saying goes... 'Let your children run wild and free.'

Anonymous said...

Homer (while drunk) : Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.

Anonymous said...

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

Anonymous said...

Rainier Wolfcastle:
On clozah inspection, deez are loafahs.

Ze goggles! Zey do nussing!

Up and at them!

Super Nintendo Chalmers said...


Anonymous said...

all Moe and Moe Moe makes Moe a Moe Moe
-Marge Simpson

Anonymous said...

"But the ball ... his groin, it works on so many levels" - Homer, in reference to Hans Moleman's film

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?" Homer, after the Monorail's anchor sticks in Lard Lad's donut, stopping the out of control Monorail

Anonymous said...

whatchoo talkin' bout ev'rybody!

belle said...

ok, the only quote I ever use ~
Don't make me tap the sign!