Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The Re-Pantsing of The Aging Hipster: Volume 2

Day 4:
Realize I am - for a living - shaking down Elvis impersonators for ten percent.
Resolve to do better -- and shake fifteen percent from future Elvis impersonators.
This job rocks! I am going to try to wear pants during my working hours. I swear - some of you may have done some excellent book keeping or phone answering, Some of you may have even designed award winning advertisements.
But I'll bet none of you got to threaten an Elvis impersonator for two hundred bucks!

Day 5:
I Do some real hard thinking about myself.
Do I want to shake down fake Elvis's (or Elvii) for a living wage?
Or do I want to sell inferior electronics and try to make a profit from selling an extended warranty that will soon be useless as the company is in bankruptcy protection?
Hmmm... If only I had a barbershop quartet fight to break up. That might help me make up my mind.

Day 6:
Those Barbershop quartet guys can really drink.
I never realized the East Coast/West Coast Barbershop rivalry could be so brutal.
Harmonious Rex and The Mellomen tore into each other like animals. They pull hair ... they bite ... they punch groins of honourable men who are just trying to do their job and keep the peace. God help me ... I don't want to sing soprano - I just don't want the cops to show ... OUCHHH!

Day 7:
I don a proper pant, shirt and tie.
I complete much cancer and alternative energy research.
My balls still hurt from the punching, but ...


No officer, I really couldn't identify those guys in a line up.
That could be any barbershop quartet who threatened to punch me in the balls again if I called the police.
The straw boater hats and striped shirts make them all look the same.
Thank you, officer - you do good work. I'll call you if I remember anything.


Anonymous said...

WOW - Hotalicious! Been a long time since I have seen such a dapper aging hipster. Welcome back.

Anonymous said...

The earing lets us know your really cool i think it is a subtle touch.
God How I would love a subtle touch...or even one that is not so subtle...basically I want to be touched and to touch

Mark said...

gotta say, ya look good in pants my friend!

Anonymous said...

I miss the pantless days.

Aging Hipster said...

The bald head tells you I am dangerous ... The earring tells you I am cool ... The tattoo on my ass tells you I am a Maple Leaf fan ... The look in my eyes tells you I am dead inside.

Aging Hipster said...

Oh...and the double chin tells you I am old and fat. But trust me ... I could still take you in a fight.
I have a straight razor in my boot.

Aging Hipster said...

Oh ... and the soul patch says I'm a hipster douche bag whose opinions on music and movies are worth more than yours.