Saturday, February 23, 2008

Cat Truce Good For Local Economy, Says Mayor


A fragile feline peace was achieved in the Leith household Saturday morning as Fuzzy, Dexter and Becky suspended hostilities to pledge allegiance to Joan.
The sporadic fighting had been going on the better part of a week after Becky and Fuzzy were left at the Leith house while their owner, Neal Bridgens is vacationing in Spain.
"We realized this belligerence was counter-productive and keeping us from reaching our common goals," a spokesperson quoted from a written statement drafted by all three cats. "Namely, getting fed and annoying the bald, angry man in the living room. Quite frankly, we prefer the slow moving judgmental lady. She gives us food and yells less. Sometimes she gives us tuna water."
Sources say Brian Ellicott, the angry. bald man in question, has become a bit too liberal with the spray bottle, prompting the cats to band together. Barb Leith, speaking on condition of anonymity, said "He sprayed Becky ... Becky-Becky-Boo (hic). I mean, Fuzzy scratches and Dexter likes to fight but what's Becky ever done? Huh? Nuthin', that's what!"
The water bottle is allegedly not just used to keep cats in line.
"He sprayed me when I tried to take his cheese. I like cheese (hic). I just wanted some cheese," sobbed Leith.
When reached for comment, Ellicott issued a terse statement.
"I hate those fucking cats."

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

But I thought you loved Pussies.

Anonymous said...

Dexter loves you despite the nasty things you say about him!

Anonymous said...

Aging Hipster, I wondered if you'd comment on the cross-cultural implications of Gary Coleman's guest starring role in a recently-repeated Simpsons episode, especially as it relates to the holiday season...

Anonymous said...

it's no secret that cats through the years have found a common foe in Brian

they are an ungrateful lot, and their underhanded ways often lead them to try to use Brain's love of the distilled potables against him...

truly they are unholy and cowardly...

Anonymous said...

How about another blog enty... beore you piss me off.

Anonymous said...

THA, without you, I don't know what to be angry about, who to revere OR what to laugh at! I'm not even sure what music to listen to anymore. Do I like Kelly Clarkson?
I'm so lost! Guide me!

Anonymous said...

What? Am I supposed to sit here with no new entries. Well fuck you you bastard.

Anonymous said...

LEAVE BRIAN ALONE! and how anyone fuckin dare make fun of Brian after all he's been through! he's a human!!

Brian is making you all this money and all you do is write crap about him... and all you people want is more more more more more more more

you're lucky he even blogs for you bastards!

LEAVE BRIAN ALONE!!! plea he he he he he he zzzzzz

anyone who has a problem with Brian, you deal with me!

cuz he's not well right now... sob sob sob

Brian said...

Oh dear ... my mother has found where we hide the cooking sherry again.
It's okay, Mom, one more cigar and then straight to bed.