Monday, December 24, 2007

Merry Christmas to all my friends ...

...and have a safe and happy time celebrating the inexact birthday of God incarnate, born of a woman who was un-porked by man.
Jesus Christ, son-of-God but also God and I think the Holy Spirit as well (my theology here is admittedly a little weak) was born in order to perform a few miracles, abuse some moneylenders and say some genuinely nice things about the poor and the meek.
He then got himself nailed to a big chunk of wood as a human/divine being sacrifice to forgive mankind for Adam and Eve's original sin which ... well ... wasn't really mankind's mistake on the whole. And, in Adam and Eve's defence, it was kind of ... I believe the modern phrase would be ... entrapment. Creating a man out of dust, a woman out of his rib, telling them not to eat a specific apple and then sending a talking snake to urge them to have a nibble seems somehow like dirty pool. I'm not sure it would stand up in many courts of law. Dropping LSD after my parents told me not to didn't even get me kicked out of the house, let alone the Garden of Eden. The old man didn't staple my little brother to the garage door so he could forgive me either. God could have just forgotten about the entire bloody thing without Jesus getting nailed or Mary not, but who am I to question the will of The Almighty?
So there you go friends -- you're spared eternal damnation because of Christmas.

Unless you're a queer (Cory... Greg... are you paying attention?).

Or you covet your neighbour's herd (we all know about your sheep fetish, Bridgens).

Or somehow doubt the validity of the above story (sensible people, and Barb, I'm looking at you!).

So, Happy Xmas to one and all and try to remember the words of the philosopher Voltaire in the coming new year ...
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

You most likely still believe in the tooth beaver.

Brian said...

Brother, I believe in all kinds of beaver ... the more beaver the better!

Anonymous said...

I believe the pursuit, reverence and placing of beaver on high is among the noblest of endeavors God has made for us...

Brian said...

...but in the Good Book, does not the prophet Jerrimathers say "vex not the beaver but neither shouldst thou exhalt it, lest it become haughty and proud."?
-Fellations 21:12

Anonymous said...

yea, tho forget not how, during the Sermon of The Mounting, Jesús spaketh, saying...

'cleave unto the beave, for even in it's midst
shall the lowest of beggar and the mightiest of kings
come to know it's gentle goodness'
Paul's letter to Cunnilingua II, 9-11

Anonymous said...

Are you gonna marry a carrot?

Anonymous said...

why oh why is there never an update, every day I check, and everyday my hopes are dashed against the evil rocks of coporate boredom...

Please aging hipster, enlighten us with a dose of your wit and wisdom!

Brian said...

Sorry, my computer is, to use a technical term, broken. I will try to post something later.

Anonymous said...

Well I hope you are jotting down all your inspired monents on scraps of paper and liquor store receipts, to provide a giant update when things get going again.

Anonymous said...

a giant update?

how come you have never told us stories of the giant before?

Leia said...

Keep up the good work.