Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Obscure Ontario Liquor Laws
I took my Smart Serve course tonight. Hold your applause.
Not only did it get me out of baby sitting but, in four-to-six weeks, it will legally allow The Aging Hipster to sell alcoholic beverages in Ontario. Don't think I won't take advantage of that, booze moochers. A glass of wine is now $2.50 at The Leith Home For Failed Writers.
Three bucks for a beer and $3.50 for spirits. If you think you can find a better price, knock yourselves out. We have better music, allow smoking and watch Star Trek (TNG) at midnight.
During my extensive studies for the course, I did unearth some obscure Alcohol and Gaming Commission of Ontario (AGCO) laws.
1 c.) Patrons may, at management's discretion, be forcibly ejected after playing "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley on the juke box three non-consecutive times.
Patrons must, by law, be forcibly ejected after playing this song on the juke box three consecutive times.
Servers may legally kick anyone playing "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" by Meatloaf twice before ejecting them.
3 f.) Service of alcoholic beverages is prohibited after 2 am. Please be advised the "Beer Ain't Drinkin'" defense was overturned by the Ontario Court of Appeal on May 5, 2006.
4 a.) A licensed establishment may lose said license if found dispensing drinks not paid for by the patron, even if said patron has huge boobs.
7 a.) Although discrimination on the basis of Race, Sex, Color, National Origin, Disability, Religion or Sexual Orientation is strictly prohibited, the server may address any male ordering a crantini as either 'Charlotte' or 'Princess'.
12 b.) Service shall be immediately stopped to anyone ordering "a hound for the rouse" as laid out in the court case Ellicott v. The Province of Ontario.
18 f.) An alcoholic beverage may contain up to 12 ml of spittle if the tip of "don't bet on the horses" or similar advice is offered in lieu of monetary recompensation.
at 11:49 p.m.