Friday, September 19, 2008

An Excerpt From The Aging Hipster's Failed "Asian Adoption" Essay

Wait a minute. Don't judge me. You guys do worse to your cats?
Am I right?
I don't even know why I included this photo but... if you know a better way to keep your cat from meowing incessantly, please let me know.

I have to cater to this fuckng cat. I make sure someone (not me - I can't stand the smell) feeds him.

I give him affection (when I'm loaded).

I make sure he can go in and out the front door (which Barb is usually closest to) every five minutes, but still...

You're damn right I get him drunk every once in a while.
If not for me, how would he ever raise his little kitty cat self esteem?

I'm doing him a favour. If it were not for me, he'd be stuck in some little kitty cat rut. He'd spend most of his life thinking he will never achieve his little kitty cat dreams.

Without me getting him loaded, he'd never dream of writing the Great Kitty-American Novel.

If I didn't get this cat drunk, he'd never get any pussy! Get what I mean there? You see the pun I included?
You did? Good.

If I didn't feed him liquor he would never dream of being the first kitty cat rock star - those fucking cats who meow Christmas jingles don't count.

Fucking sell-outs!

You think so too?

Well ... Good. Please consider my request to give me one of your excess children. I will even take a girl. I promise I'll raise her to be an obnoxious socialist busy-body.

Gimme an Asian Baby,

Yours in Christ,

The Aging Hipster

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