Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I Hate Snow

Apropos of nothing - I do hate snow and we got some untimely mother fucking snow today:

Either Google News is drunk ... or I am.

I'd put my money on me. Employees of large corporations find it hard to get drunk at the same time. It's a scheduling thing.
In fact, I'd wager the rest of my whisky that I am the one who is loaded.
Admittedly, there isn't much left to bet with.
If it were not for my Google News page, I would know very little of the world ... until I watched the Daily Show.
If I only got my news from the Jon Stewart I'd very likely turn out to be a smart-ass liberal Jew.
As everyone should know ... I'm a smart-ass liberal athiest -- until I get myself into trouble in which case I'm a smart-ass liberal agnostic.
Actually, if being a smart-ass liberal Jew would get me in good with Jehovah I'd give that a shot. I might get more stand-up comedian work. That Woodsy Allen guy was funny before he fucked his step-daughter.

(note to self: don't fuck step-daughter)

Oy Vey. I feel like a schmuck but look at several of my Google News headlines. This is the kind of news I have delivered to my computer every morning. I'd like to think it is the fault of Google but ... quite frankly ... it is not. I chose the news I receive.
I'm clearly a douchebag.

Here it is:

Obama: McCain just making 'stuff' up - 6 hours ago
MIAMI - White House frontrunner Barack Obama lashed his Republican rival John McCain on Tuesday, accusing him of just making "stuff" up as time runs out before election day in two weeks.

Zac Efron Turns 21; Can Now Legally Drink, Gamble and Be Groped... - 20 Oct 2008
Zac Efron turned 21 over the weekend. And while the dreamy-eyed king of the OMG crowd is finally old enough to bootleg for his High School Musical pals, Zefron is still as squeaky clean as ever.

Anyone for squid Jell-O?
Vancouver Sun - 23 hours ago
Academic Honours I The first step in raising a leatherback sea turtle in captivity is to stop the endangered creature from continually hitting its head on the walls of its tank.

Mistrial in Spears Case
New York Times - 1 hour ago
After four deadlocked jury votes and eight hours of deliberation preceded by two days of testimony in Los Angeles Superior Court, a mistrial has been declared in the case of Britney Spears’s driver’s license, The Associated Press reported

Nunziata denies kicking ex-wife's boyfriend
Toronto Star - 3 hours ago
Former Liberal MP and one-time mayoral candidate John Nunziata has been charged with assault after what he describes as an altercation with his ex-wife's boyfriend.

Maple Leafs say talk of second team in Toronto just speculation
The Canadian Press - 11 hours ago
TORONTO - The Maple Leafs are dismissing talk of a second NHL team in Toronto as little more than speculation.

Answers to the headlines?

Yeah he is, but John McCain is desperate. I hope America doesn't pat itself on the back too much if it elects a minority leader. They are still behind the curve. African nations have had white leaders for ages.
Still, I don't think McCain is lying when he says Barrack Obama is a gay guy who freaked out, shaved his head and kicked
Michelle's ex-boyfriends while banging turtles on the head and wanting to place a new hockey team in Toronto.

Who is Zac Efron? Is he on that Scrubs show I like so much? Good for him for remaining a (lady) virgin. They don't count as visitors if they come through the back door.

No squid Jell-O for me. Well ... I'll try it for fun if there is vodka involved. Squid turtle head Jell-O shots anyone?

Leave Britney Alone. I said it on YouTube and I'll say it now.

I always thought John Nunziata was a freak. In journalism school I once had the opportunity to interview him in a tree outside of his ex-wife's bedroom. Wait. That was Toronto city councillor Case Ootes.
Same principle.

Put the hockey team in the City of Hamilton first. They need something to take their minds off Jack Layton's recent poor showing and the bloody awful smell of their city.


Anonymous said...

mother fucking snow

Anonymous said...

I'm not going to lie to you, when you told me of your snow, I wrote it off as nothing - a trifle, piffle even.
And then it HAPPEND TO ME.
Oh the humanity!

I hate it. I hate it with every fiber of my being.

I may not leave my house again till April. There's just no point.

Sorry for my indifference, it was probably just denial.

Anonymous said...

That last one was mine - N.