Thank You All For a Very Special Day

I wish I could shake the hand of everyone who attended Barb's Birthday Celebration on Saturday afternoon. I salute everyone whose planning and dedication turned the day into such a success. Planners -- whether you were able to attend or not -- you made the day really unforgettable. Kudos!
The floral arrangements were exquisite, the menu was delightful and the service was impeccable.
Whether you travelled across the province or across the city, your attendance truly made Barb feel as special as she deserves.
Those of you who were unable to attend for medical reasons -- your presence was missed but understood. Most, but not all, of us hope you are feeling better.

For those of you unable to attend or remember the after party, I have a few notes:

Three pairs of pants -- two unsoiled -- were turned in to Lost and Found. If you think these pants may be yours, please contact Cory with the size and description of the trousers in question.

Barbara will not be charged with sexual harassment of our waitress, the pizza delivery guy and the paramedic who arrived later in the evening. I would like to thank all three for accepting a written apology in lieu of a lengthy and messy civil suit that I think, we can all agree, would have cast a pall on the festivities.

While Greg claims he can "imitate an elephant", pulling one's pockets out and unzipping one's fly is not an accurate representation.

The "underpants optional" version of the invitation was an editing mistake and Neal would like to apologize to any hot chicks who received it in error.

George's parting declaration of "suck it bitches" was uncharacteristic and, quite frankly, rude but he has been under a lot of pressure recently. I think he misses working on Degrassi: The Next Generation.

Craig's potassium level -- due to the ingestion of banana cake -- remained relatively stable throughout the evening.

I don't actually believe Barbara is "worse than Hitler and Octomom combined" due to her love of The Celebrity Apprentice, People Magazine and spreading nasty cold germs. What I said was rooted in alcohol and anger and I would like to assure people Barbara is "still cool" despite my vehement assertions otherwise.

Once again, thank you to all who attended for contributing to a truly classy event.
If anyone knows the whereabouts of my own pants -- I've already contacted Cory without luck -- please let me know via this blog.