I'm gonna kill an endangered turtle...

...and make a fashionable hat from it's shell.

Seriously, no one has been 'green'er than me. I've voted for the Green Party four times. I recycle more whisky bottles, club soda cans and jokes about dogs without noses than anyone on my block. I've checked their blue boxes and their blogs.

I win.

I'm quite sick of being lectured by people who use more airplane fuel, gasoline and A/C electricity than I do. Seriously, I'm only using nine more times resources than my African equiviilant. Can you say the same, celebrities?
From now on, for every picture I see of Al Gore with any Hollywood A, B or C-lister ... I'm going to kill an owl. The most endangered owl I can find. Maybe even a peacock, but they are hard to find in this climate.

An environmental backlash is gonna come and I may as well be on the forefront. Mr. Gore had eight years to clean up the environment while he was in office. Mr. George Clooney or Mr. Shia LaBeouf or Mr. Norman Fell have had, I suppose, even longer.

You do more good than me, Mr. Gore, I'll admit ... but I do less harm.

If environmentalists don't stop preaching unless they start doing...well...we will all start looking for endangered turtle hats while we throw styrofoam containers out our SUV's and voting for the Grey Party.