Now The Cat Is Judging Me...

...Because I drink too much. I swear on Christ's wrinkled scrotum that Foster Cat Dexter just gave me a dirty look because I stopped the frontal-cat-face-rubbing to go get a drink.
Well...Fuck the cat. I've disappointed better than him -- real humans, most of them.
Usually women.
It's all worth it for that warm sense of well-being; that sweet spot between realizing you shouldn't drive and becoming a spastic lunatic -- or at least acting weird enough to make right-thinking people nervous.
That is the zone I presently occupy and in 30 minutes, it will be gone.
For the next half hour I will see my potential to become the wild-eyed anarchist I always suspected I am. I will fully believe it's possible to disconnect myself from the system, set up an armed compound in the woods and grow weed to support myself, a couple of dogs and a insidious whiskey habit.
At the very least, I could open up a bar/book store with comfy armchairs and a juke box that plays both the Jesus And Mary Chain and Dean Martin.
I could start working out again while getting a mail-order doctorate in philosophy from Western University. I could learn to play the piano while trying to restart the Rhinoceros Party of Canada. I could plant a vegetable garden while maintaing an anti-Papist website.
For the next...well it's down to ten minutes now ... I can vividly imagine becoming the man I was supposed to be. And since I've only got ten minutes left before I start brooding or become violent, I'm not gonna waste it on you fuckers. I hope you are not too disappointed.

Rest In Peace, Britt.

Become A Big Crazy Drunken Uncle...Make A Difference

Every year, thousands of Canadian children go without a seemingly sinister but ultimately benign male role model who lives in a basement, is 'keeping it real' and will buy them peach schapps when they turn fifteen. Big Crazy Drunken Uncles is a program designed to let the youth know they have choices.
Not necessarily good choices...I wish I'd stayed in school.
But choices, none the less.

Program Description:

Big Crazy Drunken Uncles act as positive ... well ... as some kind of role model. They provide friendship, guidance and beer-runs to young men whose parents are overly sheltering. This mentoring relationship exposes boys to anarchy and alternatives to becoming self-sufficient and responsible young men.

It's simple, too. You and your "Underling" can share the kinds of activities you already like to do, such as:

Playing violent video games
Going on road trips
Cow Tipping
Secretly smoking weed
Enjoying obscure rock bands
Moving Outhouses Six Feet Backwards (applicable to 1920's Drunken Uncles only)
Mixing drinks -- "Two cubes, light on the soda and no lemon! Do I look like a woman?"

Mission Statement:

Our mission is to empower boys and young men who face environmentally or emotionally challenging parents, primarily through a mentoring relationship during holidays and family reunions. Our goal is to help our little nephews achieve their 'highest' (he he) potential as they grow to become non-conformists who desire to 'stick it to Whitey'.

No pervs or British people need apply.